I feel I can now reveal this secret, as it was known only to a few individuals who were privileged enough to be allowed to make Sam's tea.... (you might need to get yourself a pen, there are eight steps if you want to make the perfect cup) 1: Choose a white china mug, but it must be one with a narrow rim 2: Boil the kettle. But wait, don't use any old water. You must empty the kettle, and refill with filtered water from the fridge 3: Put half a spoonful of sugar into the mug. It should be organic fairtrade sugar, or some such. Pick the most expensive one in Waitrose and you won't go far wrong 4: Select a Twinings Earl Grey teabag - no Tesco's own please 5: No, wait, don't put the teabag in the mug! What are you thinking? Take it out, pour the water into the mug, and waft the teabag gently in its direction 6: In about 0.75 seconds, the tea will be the right colour - you should be able to almost but not quite see the bottom of the mug 7: At no stage must you in any way squeeze the teabag. Lift it gently from the mug and discard 8: Stir and serve - if you still have the will to live